WEBVTT FILE

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foreign

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[Music]

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do you start your essays with this essay

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we'll discuss the merits and the

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disadvantages of this topic and include

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my opinion and then continue your body

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paragraphs with on the one hand and on

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the other hand well you're certainly

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headed towards a band 5 disaster in this

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video I will explain why these templates

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don't work on the IELTS exam and exactly

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what you need to do to get those high

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band scores without learning more

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vocabulary or grammar just simply using

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what you know in a smarter way let's

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begin

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the first point you must understand is

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that IELTS in fact is created by

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Cambridge University and not British

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Council or IDP sure you hear these words

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and they do the administrative part of

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the IELTS exam but in fact it's

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Cambridge that creates these task two

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writing questions and the necessary

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English requirement to get those high

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band scores I mean fair enough Cambridge

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was established in the 1200s in England

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and is one of the oldest universities

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arguably they created the English

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language and modern literature the way

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we see it today so they know what you

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need to do to write that perfect essay

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and I'm going to show you just that with

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a couple of examples and a step-by-step

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explanation a great place to start is by

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looking at the official task 2 marking

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criteria that is publicly available

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right away you know notice there are

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four columns task response coherence and

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cohesion lexical resource grammatical

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range and accuracy you can check out all

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of the criteria that is required for a

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band 0 all the way up to a band 9. but

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we're not going to do that right now

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because as you can see there's just a

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lot of small letters and words we want

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to focus on what is needed for that top

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level band 9 essay to help me explain

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this to you even better let's take the

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example task 2 question being overweight

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has become a major health concern in

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many parts of the world explain the

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causes for being overweight and provide

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Solutions write at least 250 words later

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in this video we'll take a look at a

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band six and a band 9 correction for

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this essay question to understand the

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four marking criteria of the IELTS exam

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we have to step back one and really

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first understand stand Standard English

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essay writing practices now this isn't

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according to what I said or what that

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other guy said in the other video but

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it's the actual rules of writing an

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essay in the English language that has

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been developed over Centuries by

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universities like Cambridge

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firstly with past two you have to

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understand that you are writing a

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standard persuasive essay the goal of

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this type of essay is to convince the

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reader of an idea then you must

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understand that such essays have clear

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structure with an introductory paragraph

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body paragraphs and a conclusion let's

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dig even deeper

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according to standard essay writing the

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author can choose to write the essay

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with three different voices first person

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voice meaning the voice of the author in

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my opinion I believe this is using the

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pronouns I me my and this is fitting for

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some IELTS task 2 essays or the third

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person voice where the essay does not

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use I me my or you yours it simply uses

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the objective voice of the author using

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words like people and individuals very

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importantly you must never mix the

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voices of the author if you decide to

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write a first person voice Essay with I

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me my your whole essay must follow

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through with this perspective or if you

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use the third person voice from

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beginning to end you must never use the

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pronouns I mean Emi and of course never

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ever use the pronoun you this would be

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second person voice and it is simply not

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used in professional and academic

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writing as soon as you start writing you

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know this you can see that your Market

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will go down

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now that we understand that we need to

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write a persuasive essay in either the

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first or the third person voice we can

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look at the marking criteria with more

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clarity a band 9 task response states

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that the author fully addresses the task

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and creates a well-developed answer with

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accurate and precise ideas this right

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away tells you that templates simply

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won't work you have to use your own

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knowledge and your own language as the

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saying goes content is King

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does this mean that you have to come up

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with some really original ideas and

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write an essay using very fancy high

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level vocabulary absolutely not in fact

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that could be a really bad idea because

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it could be quite confusing for the

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examiner and will certainly result in

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low marks instead use the vocabulary

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that you know well that you can spell

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easily and use your own style of

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communication going back to the question

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of being overweight clearly the reason

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for this is usually that people simply

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do not exercise enough and they eat

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unhealthy the solutions a healthier diet

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and doing more Sports as long as you

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present these ideas with your own words

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and focusing on the topic and your

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explanations you can get a band nine

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looking at the category of coherence and

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cohesion for band 9 we can see the

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description that the author skillfully

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manages paragraphing this means that the

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writer you clearly understand the

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components of an introductory paragraph

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a good introductory paragraph will have

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a hook some background information and a

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direct thesis this is not my advice this

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is standard English essay writing

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practice at the college and university

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level it's very important that you learn

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this structure if this is new for you

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check out our premium IELTS package and

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make sure to go through the writing

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course carefully when we look at the

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band 9 description for lexical resource

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it starts by stating that the author

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uses a wide range of vocabulary

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naturally now does this mean that you're

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using very complicated good words again

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no that's a bad idea especially if

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you're making spelling mistakes it

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simply means that you're paraphrasing

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especially the key words in the essay

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like instead of saying healthy eating

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you can say it's a good diet or lots of

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exercise playing sports these aren't

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complicated words they're simply

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paraphrasing each other to avoid

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repetition and redundancy again a simple

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set of words used wisely can still get

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you a very high band score as long as

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you make sure that your writing is clean

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and clear without spelling mistakes and

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with good grammar the fourth and final

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category of grammatical range and

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accuracy states that the author can use

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a wide range of structures flexibly and

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with accuracy now some people think this

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means using the passive voice present

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perfect past perfect conditionals as

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much as possible and just pushing them

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into the essay again this will likely

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lead to low results especially when used

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incorrectly you need to keep in mind

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that grammar has purpose there is a

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reason to use present perfect academic

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and professional essays in fact usually

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avoid the passive voice because the

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reader should know the agent of the

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action again if this is unfamiliar

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territory I highly recommend using our

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premium IELTS course and going through

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the writing section of the interactive

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course step by step nevertheless for now

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just keep in mind that grammar must be

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used with purpose let's take a look at a

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student's sample band 6sa which I will

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correct to a band 9 essay explaining

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each of the corrections step by step

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first let's read this band 6

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introductory paragraph and identify the

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mistakes so that we can correct them and

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make them a band nine do you want to

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challenge yourself pause the video and

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see if you can find the mistakes before

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I identify them let's begin in the past

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decades people are more concerned about

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having a healthy life and controlling

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weight for many reasons although in some

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regions of the world the numbers of

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obesity and health problems has a

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giganticity increased I think that one

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of the major problem is that people are

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not having time to eat properly and the

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fast foods are an easy option to have a

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quick meal another problem could be that

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some people do not like to do exercises

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to improve their health life for these

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two problems I have some suggestions

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first we need to remove unnecessary

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articles from the essay like the ah as

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these make writing wordy and they do

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eventually decrease your score then we

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need to correct be verb mistakes

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students often use incorrect form of the

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B verb here it's were instead of are pay

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attention to word form like healthy

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instead of Health Punctuation is also

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important for band 9 essays do not use

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commas excessively here the dependent

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clauses although in some regions of the

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world the number of obesity and health

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problems has increased comma I think

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know your complex grammar also do not

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use unnecessary complicated words

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incorrectly here giganticity is both

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wrong and awkward the word to use is

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simply greatly pay attention to plurals

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instead of problem the major problems

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again the B verb must be used correctly

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essays must be concise at the band 9

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level here the phrase to have a quick

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meal is unnecessary in the introduction

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high band essays must have a specific

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thesis statement instead of simply

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stating that for these two problems I

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have suggestions for band 9 the author

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should State what those suggestions are

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to get Corrections on your essays like

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this make sure to use the green Task 1

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and task two buttons in your my student

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account now let's read the first body

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paragraph having a quick meal is always

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a good option when you do not have time

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to cook at the moment most of the

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population especially the ones who have

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access to cheaper fast food chains

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probably are used to that option when

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they do not have time to prepare a

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proper healthy meal for this a good

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solution is in their free time people

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could cook healthy food and put it small

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portions keeping them in the freezer

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doing this the people will always have

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healthy food storage in their houses

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again let's look for those mistakes with

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grammar word choice spelling and content

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so that we can push this essay from a

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band six to a band 9. do you want to

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challenge yourself remember to stop the

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video and identify as many of these

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mistakes as you can ahead of me now

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let's start never shift the voice of the

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author avoid using you here let's change

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this to a third person voice and replace

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the you with a person when a person does

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not have time to cook in this case the

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correct collocation is fast food

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restaurants because we're not discussing

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the entire chain although it's a small

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change it is confusing avoid repeating

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sentences between your paragraphs here

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this sentence seems to be redundant with

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the sentence that was already mentioned

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in the introduction

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to get those band aid band 9 high marks

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your body paragraphs must go into more

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details and explanations and avoid

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repeating information that is already in

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the introductory paragraph use

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affirmative language in your essays

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instead of using words like could use

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the word can make sure to complete your

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ideas keep in mind that the reader does

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not know what you know in this case

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keeping them in the freezer for quick

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preparation later on simply reheat and

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serve avoid jumping tents in your essays

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practice staying in the present tense

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avoid using the future participle will

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in this way your argument holds true not

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for the future but for the past present

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and the future stay in the present tense

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make sure to review after each paragraph

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for mistakes like word form here using

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the adjective health fee instead of the

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noun health for healthy food stored in

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their homes let's read the second body

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00:14:17.040 --> 00:14:19.680
paragraph and identify the mistakes here

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00:14:19.680 --> 00:14:23.519
again do this before me by pausing the

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00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:25.620
video see if you can catch all the

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critical mistakes that I will identify

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00:14:27.720 --> 00:14:30.300
in just a moment let's read the other

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problem to keep a balance in health food

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and loss of weight is by doing some

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exercises to improve the body not just

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to looking good but also to be healthy

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00:14:41.220 --> 00:14:44.220
working out at the gym is always the

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00:14:44.220 --> 00:14:46.740
first though to lost weight but people

314
00:14:46.740 --> 00:14:49.199
forget that doing some other activities

315
00:14:49.199 --> 00:14:51.720
could help like biking hiking and doing

316
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:54.120
exercises Outdoors could help to improve

317
00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.339
some of the vitamins that the body needs

318
00:14:56.339 --> 00:14:59.339
especially vitamin D linking these

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00:14:59.339 --> 00:15:02.880
paragraphs strongly using a second major

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problem is much better than simply

321
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stating the other emphasize important

322
00:15:08.459 --> 00:15:10.980
Concepts by choosing the correct

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vocabulary make sure to use Simple

324
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Concepts whenever possible like to keep

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a balanced diet and healthy weight pay

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attention to incorrect use of plural

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like exercise instead of exercises

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remember to reflect the original topic

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of the question here becoming overweight

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or being obese in the topic sentence it

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is much better to end by stating and

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avoid becoming obese after you finish

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each paragraph review for silly spelling

334
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mistakes that can quickly drop your

335
00:15:46.199 --> 00:15:49.199
score like writing firsts instead of

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first keep language concise biking and

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Hiking are forms of exercise which

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people do outdoors this does not need to

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be stated for the reader stop and think

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about how you can improve information

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biking and exercising are both

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cardiovascular exercises that lead to

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good blood circulation providing this

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00:16:11.399 --> 00:16:13.800
kind of added detail will help to boost

345
00:16:13.800 --> 00:16:16.740
your mark now let's read and review the

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conclusion challenge yourself pause the

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00:16:19.260 --> 00:16:21.600
video and see if you can identify the

348
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:23.639
mistakes before I do have you already

349
00:16:23.639 --> 00:16:26.339
found some mistakes that I missed if so

350
00:16:26.339 --> 00:16:29.000
make sure to comment in the video Below

351
00:16:29.000 --> 00:16:32.820
in conclusion studies shows that the

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00:16:32.820 --> 00:16:35.639
higher numbers of obesity is caused by

353
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the highest numbers of people consuming

354
00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:41.459
junk food and not doing proper exercises

355
00:16:41.459 --> 00:16:44.759
of course people does not need to stop

356
00:16:44.759 --> 00:16:47.040
to eat fast food but decreased

357
00:16:47.040 --> 00:16:50.100
consumption could help as go doing some

358
00:16:50.100 --> 00:16:53.100
exercises that they enjoy too could help

359
00:16:53.100 --> 00:16:56.220
having a balance with health food and

360
00:16:56.220 --> 00:16:58.740
exercising is not easy but if you want

361
00:16:58.740 --> 00:17:00.720
to have a healthy life and live longer

362
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:02.820
you should give it a try

363
00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:05.819
once again word form matters especially

364
00:17:05.819 --> 00:17:07.740
when mistakes tend to be repetitive

365
00:17:07.740 --> 00:17:10.799
these cost ban scores the same situation

366
00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:13.500
happens again with the be verb clearly

367
00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:15.900
for this candidate using the correct

368
00:17:15.900 --> 00:17:19.260
word form and the correct form of B is a

369
00:17:19.260 --> 00:17:21.540
common type of Mistake by identifying

370
00:17:21.540 --> 00:17:23.939
redundant mistakes and correcting these

371
00:17:23.939 --> 00:17:26.040
a person can quickly improve their band

372
00:17:26.040 --> 00:17:27.839
scores but you need professional

373
00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:31.080
feedback once again you can do this in

374
00:17:31.080 --> 00:17:32.940
your premium course on the website

375
00:17:32.940 --> 00:17:35.039
simply click the link in the video

376
00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:37.679
description let's keep going using

377
00:17:37.679 --> 00:17:40.020
infinitives and gerunds correctly is

378
00:17:40.020 --> 00:17:42.660
confusing for many English Learners be

379
00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:44.640
sure to review this before your IELTS

380
00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:47.039
exam keep your language concise

381
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:49.799
especially in the conclusion when you're

382
00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:51.780
practicing for your IELTS exam at home

383
00:17:51.780 --> 00:17:55.260
always check to see if you can write the

384
00:17:55.260 --> 00:17:59.039
same ideas using less words if so this

385
00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:01.619
will lead to better band scores concise

386
00:18:01.619 --> 00:18:04.400
writing is considered Advanced English

387
00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:06.780
you need to use affirmative language

388
00:18:06.780 --> 00:18:09.299
especially in the conclusion as this is

389
00:18:09.299 --> 00:18:12.359
a persuasive essay and the conclusion is

390
00:18:12.359 --> 00:18:14.700
the final thought of the author that's

391
00:18:14.700 --> 00:18:17.760
you so in this case the candidate should

392
00:18:17.760 --> 00:18:20.880
write they must do this instead of you

393
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:22.740
should give it a try which of course

394
00:18:22.740 --> 00:18:25.859
also has that second person voice

395
00:18:25.859 --> 00:18:29.220
mistake avoid making mistakes with the

396
00:18:29.220 --> 00:18:32.119
voices and use affirmative language

397
00:18:32.119 --> 00:18:35.340
convince your reader of your ideas when

398
00:18:35.340 --> 00:18:37.320
you're able to do this well that's when

399
00:18:37.320 --> 00:18:40.080
you get those high band scores make sure

400
00:18:40.080 --> 00:18:42.660
to practice this by going through the

401
00:18:42.660 --> 00:18:44.940
writing section of our premium IELTS

402
00:18:44.940 --> 00:18:47.460
course and submitting essays once you're

403
00:18:47.460 --> 00:18:49.619
confident that you have a good idea on

404
00:18:49.619 --> 00:18:52.859
how to write a standard persuasive essay

405
00:18:52.859 --> 00:18:55.980
in the first or third person voice we

406
00:18:55.980 --> 00:18:58.380
look forward to seeing your work this

407
00:18:58.380 --> 00:19:01.740
candidate would likely score a ban 5 on

408
00:19:01.740 --> 00:19:04.320
the low end and a band 6 on the high end

409
00:19:04.320 --> 00:19:06.780
after correction this would be a band

410
00:19:06.780 --> 00:19:10.320
8.5 for task response the candidate gets

411
00:19:10.320 --> 00:19:12.359
an eight because they do address the

412
00:19:12.359 --> 00:19:15.000
question clearly and with details they

413
00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:18.059
Identify some good points that lack of

414
00:19:18.059 --> 00:19:20.700
exercise and poor diet lead to these

415
00:19:20.700 --> 00:19:22.980
problems and fixing these are the

416
00:19:22.980 --> 00:19:25.859
solution the coherence and cohesion are

417
00:19:25.859 --> 00:19:28.260
a band Six because at times it is

418
00:19:28.260 --> 00:19:30.840
difficult to understand the Transitions

419
00:19:30.840 --> 00:19:33.840
and the information presented lexical

420
00:19:33.840 --> 00:19:36.840
resource is a seven the candidate has

421
00:19:36.840 --> 00:19:40.559
lots of vocabulary although they do need

422
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:43.619
to improve the accuracy of the word form

423
00:19:43.619 --> 00:19:46.440
and at times the word choice grammatical

424
00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:49.500
range and accuracy is a band five this

425
00:19:49.500 --> 00:19:51.480
is where all of those word form and

426
00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:53.940
punctuation mistakes come into play and

427
00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:55.859
of course these different marking

428
00:19:55.859 --> 00:19:58.500
criteria are interconnected grammatical

429
00:19:58.500 --> 00:20:01.619
range and accuracy has a major impact on

430
00:20:01.619 --> 00:20:04.559
the overall adhesion and coherence of

431
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:07.380
the essay the important Corrections for

432
00:20:07.380 --> 00:20:09.480
this candidate are the ones that are

433
00:20:09.480 --> 00:20:12.240
repetitive that are made three four five

434
00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:14.220
or more times throughout the essay

435
00:20:14.220 --> 00:20:17.100
including paying more attention to word

436
00:20:17.100 --> 00:20:19.980
form being more careful with correct use

437
00:20:19.980 --> 00:20:22.440
of plurals and singulars especially when

438
00:20:22.440 --> 00:20:25.380
it comes to verbs and finally using

439
00:20:25.380 --> 00:20:28.919
concise and clear language now let's

440
00:20:28.919 --> 00:20:32.100
read the corrected version in past

441
00:20:32.100 --> 00:20:34.679
decades people were more concerned about

442
00:20:34.679 --> 00:20:37.080
having a healthy life and controlling

443
00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:39.359
weight for many reasons although in some

444
00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:41.100
regions of the world the cases of

445
00:20:41.100 --> 00:20:43.380
obesity and health problems have greatly

446
00:20:43.380 --> 00:20:46.080
increased I think that one of the major

447
00:20:46.080 --> 00:20:48.419
problems is that people do not have time

448
00:20:48.419 --> 00:20:51.000
to eat healthily and fast foods are an

449
00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:53.520
easy option another problem is that some

450
00:20:53.520 --> 00:20:56.400
people do not like to do exercise to

451
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:58.440
improve their physical fitness levels

452
00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:00.840
nevertheless there are solutions to

453
00:21:00.840 --> 00:21:03.240
these two problems having a quick meal

454
00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:05.100
is always a good option when a person

455
00:21:05.100 --> 00:21:07.500
does not have time to cook at the moment

456
00:21:07.500 --> 00:21:09.900
most of the population especially the

457
00:21:09.900 --> 00:21:12.179
ones who have access to cheaper fast

458
00:21:12.179 --> 00:21:14.400
food restaurants get used to that option

459
00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:16.859
when they do not have time to prepare a

460
00:21:16.859 --> 00:21:19.440
proper healthy meal for this a good

461
00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:22.320
solution is during free time people can

462
00:21:22.320 --> 00:21:24.720
cook healthy foods and put it in small

463
00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:27.000
portions to keep them in the freezer for

464
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:29.400
quick preparation later simply reheat

465
00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:32.039
and serve by doing this people always

466
00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:34.380
have healthy food stored in their homes

467
00:21:34.380 --> 00:21:37.500
a second major problem to keeping a

468
00:21:37.500 --> 00:21:40.260
balanced diet and healthy weight is by

469
00:21:40.260 --> 00:21:43.080
doing some exercises to improve physical

470
00:21:43.080 --> 00:21:45.960
fitness not just to look good but also

471
00:21:45.960 --> 00:21:48.539
to be healthy and avoid becoming obese

472
00:21:48.539 --> 00:21:51.359
working out at the gym is always the

473
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.159
first thought to lose weight but people

474
00:21:53.159 --> 00:21:55.200
forget that doing some other activities

475
00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:57.840
could help like biking and Hiking to

476
00:21:57.840 --> 00:22:00.299
improve blood circulation and vitamin D

477
00:22:00.299 --> 00:22:03.299
uptake in conclusion study please show

478
00:22:03.299 --> 00:22:05.880
that the high numbers of obesity are

479
00:22:05.880 --> 00:22:07.980
caused by many people consuming junk

480
00:22:07.980 --> 00:22:10.980
food and not doing proper exercise of

481
00:22:10.980 --> 00:22:13.500
course people do not need to stop eating

482
00:22:13.500 --> 00:22:15.600
fast food but decreased consumption

483
00:22:15.600 --> 00:22:18.359
helps doing some enjoyable exercises

484
00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:21.240
also helps having a balance of healthy

485
00:22:21.240 --> 00:22:24.299
food and exercising is not easy but if a

486
00:22:24.299 --> 00:22:26.580
person wants to have a healthy life live

487
00:22:26.580 --> 00:22:29.580
longer and reduce weight they must do

488
00:22:29.580 --> 00:22:32.760
this good luck on your next IELTS exam

489
00:22:32.760 --> 00:22:34.799
for more help with the writing section

490
00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:37.140
including task one as well as other

491
00:22:37.140 --> 00:22:40.260
parts of the aisles visit and join our

492
00:22:40.260 --> 00:22:43.740
premium aisles package at aehelp.com get

493
00:22:43.740 --> 00:22:46.260
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494
00:22:46.260 --> 00:22:48.299
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495
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496
00:22:50.820 --> 00:22:53.880
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498
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499
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500
00:23:02.220 --> 00:23:04.020
clicking the link in the video

501
00:23:04.020 --> 00:23:06.260
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502
00:23:06.260 --> 00:23:09.720
discount begin learning for Success

503
00:23:09.720 --> 00:23:12.659
today subscribe to our Channel click

504
00:23:12.659 --> 00:23:14.940
over here watch another video click

505
00:23:14.940 --> 00:23:17.640
right up here and click our IELTS hero

506
00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:19.919
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507
00:23:19.919 --> 00:23:22.320
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508
00:23:22.320 --> 00:23:27.080
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